There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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