he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
