We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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