just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
