I think im going to throw up on grandma
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
