You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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