OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
