His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
