how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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