guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
