1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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