I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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