I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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