you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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