I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
4 words: hood of his car
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
