Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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