I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
