Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
