she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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