sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
