Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
