Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
