i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
