On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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