There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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