I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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