Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
