so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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