It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
