He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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