Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
