Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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