I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
