Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
