He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
