So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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