Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
