omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
