It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
