She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
