I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
