After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
