I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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