He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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