So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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