saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
