My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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