I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
