He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
