Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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