Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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