iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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