Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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