I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
