the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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