Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
