So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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