dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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