I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
