Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize