Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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